On Blame

When things go wrong, we are very quick to blame something or someone else, out there. 

People doing or not doing things, mistakes being made, even this whole pandemic mess we find ourselves in. The first thing we tend to ask is: "Who's fault it is?”

This knee jerk response happens so fast that we often don’t realise the negative impact it has on us, on the situation at hand and on the people involved. 

Firstly, when we blame, we become the victim. We give away our agency to the thing we blame. It also fixates our attention to the problem rather than make it available to the solutions. Finally, when we blame others we tend to dehumanise them and are unable to separate the behaviour from the human being. This can damage trust and erode our relationships

“Blame is simply the discharge of discomfort and is in an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability is by definition a vulnerable process.” Brené Brown

Here is a great funny, yet poignant video that elaborates on this idea.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWf2_2L2v8&t=78s

"When you plant lettuce, if it doesn’t grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look into the reason why its not doing so well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet, if we have problems with our friends, or family or colleagues, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand and you show that you understand, the situation will change."

Blame never helps, from Peace is every step by Thich Nhat Hanh